Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
