dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
