Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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