Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
wow bdsm is so cute
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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