I hate your face
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
