I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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