Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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