So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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