you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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