another moral hangover. fuck.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
