Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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