dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
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I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize