I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
