naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
