explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
