there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
