My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
