You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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