I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
