You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
