Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
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