did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
