it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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