Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize