You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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