I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
