a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
