the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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