you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
