he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
