I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
This house was built for laser tag.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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