Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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