I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize