He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
