found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
