So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
