I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
