ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
