is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sorry about my life...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
