Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
