Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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