All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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