I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
