So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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