i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
