Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
