for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just invented taco cereal.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
