I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
