I just made out with a guy for $7.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
