fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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