I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
