I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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