Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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