you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
