I want to stick my p in your. b.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
