Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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