His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
nutella sex= disaster
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
