Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
