I can text with my tongue
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
