If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I need to align my fucking chakras
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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